the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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