I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
