Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
