I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
