I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
