haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
