No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ok first of all what the fuck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
