I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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