Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
