as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
