Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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