i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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