I think I won the penis lottery.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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