I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
