we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
