I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
