Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
