omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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