i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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