Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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