angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
