Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
