Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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