It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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