i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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