I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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