I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You made out with two different species that night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
