Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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