Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
