i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
