my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
