i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
