I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize