I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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