please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize