Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
