physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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