I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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