absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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