U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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