thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
