OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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