I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
