Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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