Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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