I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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