Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
