The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
