You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
