New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
