420 ftw
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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