Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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