does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
