fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
MIDGETS
????
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
