a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
