Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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