Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
