so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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