Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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