I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
