omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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