what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
