i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
