I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
